my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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