his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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