Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
