Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
