Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
