Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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