all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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