I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
