That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
