his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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