Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
