Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
