If that was your dad, he is hot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
