I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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