K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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