I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
