why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
