Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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