4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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