there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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