No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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