you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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