ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
