there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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