i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
