I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize