After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
