Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
