We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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