I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
