Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
