I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
