Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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