I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize