come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
