felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
