how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
