Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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