my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
