How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
