I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
