You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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