Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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