Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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