i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize