it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
