I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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