a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
