Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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