so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is Oprah even human
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize