I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
