im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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