Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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