my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
