Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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