my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My hand turned me down
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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