Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
