Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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