Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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