Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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