How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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