I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
