I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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