Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
