hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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