he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
